Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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