hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
