hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just tell him i said nine months
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
