That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
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It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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