It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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