I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
