I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Even my vagina gasped.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
