normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
