Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
