loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
