You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
