"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You ruined the universe
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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