fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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