I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
