she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I am naked and annoyed.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
