He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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