Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
