if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
