one word: firstdatebathroomanal
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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