So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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