And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
