thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
