and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
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I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
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Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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