You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
