Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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