i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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