I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
