its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
