I want to walk on stilts...naked
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
