So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
