I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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