My nipple is on Facebook.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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