so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
NoShamevember. You game?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
A bitchslap is in order.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
