She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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