What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
They have beer where we have blood.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
