so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
