take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
