I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
