Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Bring me that man meat
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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