What a fucking waste of an outfit
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
