I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
