he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
