No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
