went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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