what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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