Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
