I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think your dad took our porno
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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