My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
