Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There's a naked man in my car right now.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
