I'm jealous of your bromance
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
