you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
