I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
