I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
