If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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