This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
