oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
