i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
