singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
His hands were made for my vagina.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
