I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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