omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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