I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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