Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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