i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Don't EVER smell your tampon
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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