Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
