Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
