Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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