the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
don't judge my taste in strippers
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
