Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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