You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
