I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
